Why can’t I sew? I am totally blocked. I can’t seem to get any sewing done! What do I mean? Well, let me sum up. No, that will take me too long. How ’bout I summarize.
There’s the hand quilt. Remember that one? 300+ hands, signed by a bunch of JoCo SeaMonkeys? Arranged in color spokes around a photo of the entertainers? I got about 3 spokes appliqued, in a really striking multi-color thread. But then it sat there…waiting. I figured that I needed to applique 2 hands a day…at first. But it sat.
Part of it is guilt. If I quilt, I feel guilty that I’m not cleaning the house, and FSM knows, nobody else is going to do it. If I clean, I feel guilty that I’m not sewing. Same with cooking, or working. I have 4 tasks, but only enough energy to do 2 of them. And I always feel guilty about the 2 I don’t have the energy to get around to.
I picked it up and did a few more hands; I must admit that figuring out which hand to do next, and what line is at the bottom, so that other lines will lock the ends, it takes a lot of my energy. By then I needed to do So it sat some more. By then, I needed to do 3 hands a day. But it kept getting worse.
I have fabric that I promised I’d make nightgowns, and leggings and dresses for my daughter. I also have fabric to make blouses for myself. I got a shrug done. It was simple. But then there’s a wrap blouse that I already have cut out. But there are several places where it is shirred with clear elastic…which I’ve never done before. I’ve got lots of scraps, and lots of extra clear elastic. And I can’t seem to will myself to even test it out. Too guilty about the things I’m NOT doing. If I start doing THOSE things, I get guilty about not sewing. It keeps going around in a vicious circle.
Seems like I’ve broken through, at least a bit.
Now my list of tasks is down to 3. I’ve got no hours at work, so that’s off my list at the moment. That’s a bit of a help…and a mixed blessing.
My anti-depressant dosage got increased. That seems to be helping a bit. I’ve got a little more energy. But I can still easily overdo it, and be basically worthless the rest of the day.
I’m paying more attention to the Flylady daily tasks. Haven’t heard of her? Go check her out. Even if her methods aren’t for you, check out the tools in her store. They rock! I gave my sister one of the water bottles for Christmas. She liked it so much that she bought more. High praise indeed!
I kind of gave up on the hand quilt for now. It’s not going to be done in time for the cruise in late February, not even just the top, which is of course the most time consuming part. But I’ve resigned myself to that.
But you know, I have always, ALWAYS, experienced a great deal of what I call “Free Floating Guilt”. We used to joke that my Dad was a Worrier. If he didn’t have something to worry about, he’d INVENT something to worry about. I’m feel like I’m the same way with the guilt. Combine that with social awkwardness, and I have hell making friends. But that’s another post.
So the good news: I actually picked up a scrap of fabric and a piece of clear elastic yesterday, and figured out how to make them play nice together. I’ve got two more pieces cut, pinned, and ready to go. YEAH ME! Pictures to follow…someday…maybe… 🙂